Can you feedback on my entry (#27218492)

Thank you :)

Thank you for your design. unfortunately it's not what I'm looking for. I want to build a young, fresh company and rethink real estate. young, fresh, modern and run by women. Your design is too classic for me, too much for investment funds or insurance.

Okay Mam. I am trying again.

Thank you

Mam,

Please check my Revision (#27222119) and give advise for further revisions.

Thanks and regards :)